Accepting Judgments

Why is it so important to practice acceptance of our judgments? Apart from the fact it doesn't feel good when we buy into what they tell us about ourselves, practicing acceptance of judgments helps keep us more present in the here and now, rather than living in a non-existent past or the future. Staying focused on the present means you see more truth in life, and your experience of it opens new dimensions of understanding, joy, and growth.

Identifying with our judgments by acting upon them means we believe they're true; but since they arise from beliefs formed in the past, how can they be true now? They might be, but if we just accept them as true without actually learning if they really are we go through life wearing blinders. We're missing out on new experiences and new possibilities in the present, because the past is causing us to judge it as wanting. That's why you seem to have more downs than ups in life; it's a result of patterned behaviour that you haven't yet 'un-learned', or replaced with new thinking that helps you respond to the ever-changing present. f you want to change things around so you get more ups then downs, all you need to do is to look at life like you did when you were a child: with innocence, without labeling things, and without identifying who you are with whatever you experience. Accept whatever happens with equal attention, without wishing it were different than it is, and with the understanding that everything you experience propels your personal growth. This is true even if you feel lousy about something, and is especially motivating if you've been seriously hurt, or are seriously ill. Put to its right usage, pain of any kind - be it physical or emotional - can help us grow. If you're having pain right now why not try to just accept it as how things are in the moment, rather than bemoaning your state to any available ear, or wishing it would go away?

One of the reasons we judge is because we’re caught up in the stories of our lives. We often have a difficult time separating ourselves from the ‘drama’ of life, of just letting life happen without constantly gainsaying it, or wishing it were different. This is the result of conditioning formed when we were very young, and carried forward into adulthood. It dictates our reactions to situations, and cannot be altered except by force of will. You either decide not to listen to the voice of the past, and take everything in the present at face value; or you do listen, and face everything in life with preconceived notions from a non-existent past that have little or no relevance to the present.

Another reason we judge is that we carry emotions from the past forward into the present. If we haven’t found a way to heal our past and let old emotional energy go, we tend to hang on to it, and that affects our ability to discern truth in the present, as well as allow life to happen without ever judging it as 'bad', or wanting to change it.

Picture yourself standing in a river. Imagine trying to stem the flow of the water as it rushes by. You can't, of course; the river isn’t going to stop just because you want it to. It keeps on flowing, and life acts exactly the same way. You cannot stop it from moving, but you can stop yourself long enough to enjoy its flow, to just take it in, and take it for what it offers you in any given moment. Judging life as good or bad is like cursing the river because it won’t stop flowing. It’s going to flow no matter what you do, or how you feel about it. So why blame it for your feelings? You made the choice to get upset, after all; the river is just doing what comes naturally. So, too, does life, and you alone choose how you feel about it. The question is, on what will you base that choice? On how you felt in the past in similar situations, on how you think you'll feel about a situation, or on how you'll actually feel once you've experienced a situation without buying into your prior judgments of it?

You try to fault things outside of yourself because you hold expectations about what they should be doing for you. Depending on how life meets your expectations, you judge situations as either good or bad. When you get what you think you want from it, life is good. When you don’t, life is bad. If you were at peace with yourself, how would you react to the flow of the river around you? You wouldn’t react at all; you’d let the river be, accepting its presence, enjoying its beauty and seeing the truth of its essence. The same perspective can be brought to life.

Understanding the nature of judgment is essential to learning how to accept it, and to taking more joy from the present. What is judgment but our projections of what we think is good or bad about life? Judgment is not what we think of others, however; it’s what we think of ourselves. When we judge, we’re reaffirming from the basis of our self-beliefs who we think we are; it's aspects of ourselves we see in other people. Since who we are changes from moment to moment (like everything else), how can we even know who we are with any certainty? We think we do, and we cling to our self-images like glue; but when we do we keep ourselves from realizing greater growth, and from realizing our true potentials. 

Judgment is the result of seeing aspects of ourselves that we’re unhappy with, or that we wish we could change. How many times have you cursed someone because they did something you’ve done yourself? How many times have you wondered out loud how a beautiful, rich, and famous person could possibly have a drug addiction? You expect certain things from certain people, and then judge them when they don’t meet those expectations; but all you’re really doing is judging yourself, because your life - and who you think you are in it - doesn’t meet your expectations. Expectations, like judgments, hold us back from living fuller lives, and from the spontaneity of being in the moment, of experiencing more fun and joy in it.

Are you beginning to see how needless judgment is? What point is there to it? It doesn’t move you forward to judge anything as right or wrong, good or bad. In and of themselves, all people and all events are neutral; they aren’t good or bad until we give that meaning to them. Not only that, given that the present is becoming the past virtually instantaneously, when we judge, we’re judging something that’s not even there any more. That’s reason alone to ignore judgment altogether; why would you bother, if you’re judging something that no longer exists? Of course, we cannot stop judging; we do it all the time. So practicing acceptance of this aspect of the self is what's required. You know you're going to judge; can you accept when it happens, realize you don't have to act on judgments, and continue to view life with a neutral perspective?

Judging others based on your self-beliefs also takes away from who other people really are. They’re just like you; many times frightened, at times courageous, trying to find their ways through life. When we judge them based on how we think they should be - or on a past that still hurts us in the present - we remove the chance for those relationships to grow. We automatically assume that they’re going to act a certain way, and so we place limitations on our encounters with them, and lose out on the potential for more positive experiences. Instead of taking someone at face value in the here and now, we take away the opportunity to understand that we’re all the same, we can all learn from one another, and we can all grow together. Only it’s not others you end up short-changing when you judge them; it’s yourself, because when you do it you’ve already lost the opportunity to be who you really are, and left yourself open to more self-recrimination. It’s a vicious circle that can end up quite literally killing you, because when we practice judgment we also create guilt, or self-blame, and sooner or later that will manifest as stress.

Judgment stops us from acceptance of the present, because when we do it we’re eiither caught up in the past, or worried about the future. The truth is happening now, and only now. Being anywhere else is nothing but fantasy. Where is your mind at this very instant? Is it worried about work, or your spouse, or your kids? Or are you remembering something from the past that angered, saddened or excited you? Are you thinking about what might happen tomorrow? Even as you read these words, ego would love to have you be anywhere else but here, because when you’re fully present it doesn’t have a chance to make you miserable, or keep you from knowing the truth of your existence.

What is that truth? You are not a body living in an apparently physical world; you’re a spiritual presence, projecting the dream of a physical world. So, where are you, then? If I'm not here, where's my mind (and well you might ask that of me if you're still reading)? It doesn’t matter where the mind is; it’s certainly not in the dream we call "reality." The mind created the dream in the first place, and everything you perceive in it. As you practice a discipline like meditation, you come closer to the realization that your true Self exists outside of space and time. You cannot be both a physical presence, and a mind that exists without any physical presence at all. You’re either one of the other, and the very existence of the mind suggests that its the true Self.

Judgment is not only meaningless, but counter-productive to accepting your life experience. Yes, we need judgment in order to function at times, like when crossing the street, or to avoid eating spoiled food - but that type of judgment is better termed common sense, because we’re not applying preconceived notions to what we’re doing - we’re simply acting upon prior experience. Apart from that, judging the present based on a non-existent past is like trying to stop the flow of a river with just your hands; it isn't practical, or worthwhile. Once you accept this fact - once you come to accept not only the illusory nature of your so-called physical reality, but the metaphysical nature of your true Self - there isn’t a reason left to believe your judgments about anything, especially yourself. Accepting them as momentary events can help open you up to new experiences, and who you really are becomes more apparent. You find greater joy, peace, and love, and take a giant step toward full awareness of your true reality.

The Function of Karma

Many spiritual beliefs define karma (Sanskrit for ‘deed’ or ‘action’) as being the result of good or evil thoughts, actions, or words towards the self or another person. The basic principle states that thinking or performing positive thoughts or actions will result in a more positive life. The opposite holds true for negativity. However, you don’t need to believe in karma to know that doing good deeds, and having positive thoughts, generally means life is happier and more rewarding.

There is another school of thought regarding karma, and that is our higher, or soul selves, have contracts with other souls to learn certain lessons from one lifetime to another. These lessons are crucial to a soul’s growth, and its ability to fully awaken to its true identity within the one Self (or God). Karma is the terms of the contract; the lesson or lessons that need to be undertaken in order for the soul to complete its human experience. Unfinished karma between souls will re-surface in another lifetime until their contract is completed.

For this reason, the relationships we share with others all involve karma; all have something to teach us about ourselves. In fact, since we create our lives and the people in it, we must do so with karma in mind to begin with, and that is the reason certain people are in our lives at certain times. They exist to promote the growth of the soul, or the Self, with the ultimate goal of bringing enlightenment, or awakening to the true nature of the Self as it exists in awareness of heaven.

Defined this way, karma is not a case of divine retribution, or punishment by the self towards the self. Guilt performs that function quite readily. There’s no reason to learn life’s lessons through ‘bad’ karma, unless the soul has contracted to experience a life full of apparent hardship in its relations with other souls. In that particular scenario, one’s chosen lot is a still a matter of learning the right lessons at the right time. The soul cannot grow at its desired rate otherwise, yet the end goal is the same. Waking up to the true nature of the Self is a process, and one which every soul in this illusory world must undertake at its own pace.

Love and karma are inextricably linked to one another. Through the manifestation of love between two people, the soul ensures that karma will be pursued with greater focus, and will result in learning more important lessons. Love comes in many forms, and even hate is a form of love; while it may seem that a certain relationship doesn’t involve love at all, since love is the creative force of the Self to begin with, every relationship has love as a component. The key to seeing love in all relationships is the belief that love is the only aspect of life that is real; everything not of love is illusion.

This may be difficult to accept given the nature of some relationships. However, if you accept the concept of a loving God, and subsequently the idea that a loving God is incapable of creation without love, then it stands to reason that love exists in everyone, because we all have a soul created with it to begin with. This also means love exists in every relationship, no matter its form.

Sometimes, we experience relationships that are intensely loving, and yet also highly challenging. This is the result of two souls nearing the end of their human journeys, and as they near their completion, it becomes all the more important to unearth the fears and beliefs of the self that do not serve the soul’s growth. Soul mates and other terms used to describe these relationships are symbolic of souls contracted with one another to strive for their final destiny, or awakening.

People can have more than one soul mate, but if the lessons needed from one aren’t learned, they’ll have to be taught in other ways. In some cases, this means repeating a life experience with another soul mate, having the lesson surface in another life, or finding ways to reconcile with a particular soul whose only purpose is to teach us about our deeper truths. When ego gets in the way of learning our lessons from a soul mate, we often find that our connection to them doesn’t go away even after the relationship has ended, and won’t go away because we’re destined through karma to fulfill our contract with that soul. This is especially the case for souls nearing the end of their human lives, and can be determined by the strength of love that is shared between two people, as well as the nature of the challenges they face with one another.

These challenges often take the form of seeing the best and the worst aspects in a partner, in order to learn what beliefs must be changed to further growth. Fear will have to be faced in these instances, because it’s only fear that prevents us from rising to the challenges of a deeply felt, intense love relationship in the first place. Any ego issues will need to be dealt with, or they’ll threaten the relationship’s foundation, and the soul’s ability to learn. If ego comes between two people in a relationship of this kind and it ends before karma is complete, their soul contract means they will manifest serious messages to themselves as the soul pulls out all the stops to get itself back on its chosen learning curve.

This is why the people who challenge us the most are the ones we learn the most from. In love relationships, it’s doubly true; the most challenging relationships have the most to teach us. Avoiding learning our lessons by denying what needs to be changed within ourselves results in feelings of dissatisfaction and incompleteness, and sometimes more dire consequences, like accident or illness. Only until we have faced the fears that another person brings to our attention are we able to move forward at the rate our soul’s desire.

Karma is the way our souls pursue their agendas of growth and enlightenment. Accepting this as true means accepting the challenges we’re presented with through other people, especially those involving deep love of one kind or another. They’re essential to the soul’s progress through life. Learning our life lessons often involves achieving a greater level of self-awareness before we can finish the toughest ones. That means facing our fears and challenges, rather than denying they exist, or running from them. Sooner or later, they’ll surface again, until we’re ready to learn them.