I’m often asked by meditation students what they should be meditating on. They sometimes feel they’re not getting anywhere with their practice, and something different should be happening to make them feel like they’re progressing with it.
It also happens that when students begin to meditate regularly, they find themselves facing a lot of emotions. This leaves them uncomfortable, and they question what’s going on, or if it’s right that they should be feeling so much. They sometimes tell me it was better before they started meditating, when they at least knew where they stood in life. Instead, after a couple of weeks of daily meditation, they’re confused, and overwhelmed with emotion much of the time.
I believe that meditation is about bringing a person closer to their true Self. As time is spent alone getting to know the Self, any feelings from the past that haven’t been dealt with are going to surface. They’re bound to - they’ve been clamouring for attention, possibly for many years - but mostly they’ve been ignored, because there are so many ways to avoid spending time with the Self. Instead, the easy way to deal with feelings seems to be to rationalize them away with expectations of how a person should behave, either for their own sake or for the sake of others. Perhaps they think they shouldn’t be feeling so deeply about anything, or that it’s better to ‘suck it up’ or ‘put on a brave face’, rather than show any vulnerability. This, however, is only the result of a lot of conditioning over time, and can be unlearned.
The bottom line is feelings don’t go away that easily. They don’t go away until they’re allowed to be felt completely. Only then can they be released; only then can we free ourselves from the burden they place on our hearts. My experience has been that it’s very common to feel worse before feeling better when beginning a meditation practice. A lifetime’s weight of emotions carried forward from the past is not going to be an easy thing to deal with overnight. Fortunately, it doesn’t take another lifetime to process all this emotional energy. It takes time and patience, yes; but once begun, the process can move relatively quickly.
The process also requires understanding the nature of feelings. They’re not the Self; they’re created by ego, and are at best messages from the mind via the body that the Self needs correction of some kind. Beliefs about the Self are what cause feelings. When there is a lot of self doubt in a person, many negative feelings result. Expectation, judgment, and a lack of self-acceptance can all lead to the creation of negative emotional energy, and this energy needs to be known for what it is in order to address its root causes; in other words, in order to change the beliefs that result in the feelings to begin with. How can we know what to change about ourselves until we acknowledge what we feel?
When understanding of what feelings are and why they’re present is lacking, it’s all too easy to react to life from a fear of feeling bad, instead of responding to it with the courage of knowing who you are. All negativity is the result of fear, and since no one wants to feel ‘bad’, people can go to great lengths to avoid doing so, or to bury bad feelings away. Why should it be so wrong to feel bad once in a while? How else can we move forward in life if we don’t? Growth of the Self is more likely to occur when we are forced to recognize our negative feelings and the beliefs that cause them, rather than perpetuate a delusion that everything should be okay all the time. Who can sustain that dream? This is the reason self-abuse of one kind or another is so common: it’s far too easy to escape negative feelings than to face them. However, it’s absolutely essential that we do face them as much as possible, not only so we can let them go, but so we can grow and change and become happier, healthier individuals.
Meditation does not have an end goal. It’s a practice that can provide a context within which the Self can be better known, and beliefs about the Self that need addressing can be discovered. It’s only by changing beliefs about the Self that life begins to change for the better. Meditation is a tool to help with this; it’s part of the process, but not the only part. It will not bring enlightenment by itself. Thus, the way to practice it is without judgment, without striving towards some unattainable nirvana. The best way to approach it is to use the time in meditation as a means to detach from thoughts, to allow feelings so they can be let go of (however long that may take), and to grow one’s self awareness. In this way, the downs in life can decrease while the ups get more frequent. Love of the Self can grow, and love for others, too.
If you sign up for the One Self Inspired Learning e-mail newsletter, you’ll get a link to a meditation that covers the material you just read, and that you can use to help move your meditation practice to another level. Love and blessings,
Angus
